My mom always told me, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” If you’re wondering why I’ve been a little silent here on the blog, this is it. I haven’t had many nice things to say.
Life has been hard, chaotic, and overwhelming. I could list out every single thing that hasn’t gone as smoothly as I would’ve hoped in the last two months, every stressor, every mild inconvenience that, when added to 50 other mild inconveniences (and Lyme-related stress intolerance), felt devastating. And I could tell you how unfair it is that life keeps throwing more and more and more at me and Hubs when we already have so much on our plates. I could tell you how angry and frustrated and sad I am that Hubs and I are in this situation in the first place.
I could do all of those things, but honestly, I’m much too tired.
The past few months have really worn me down. Physically, I’m in worse shape than I’ve been in a long, long time. Two normal-person sicknesses (one of which I am still fighting) on top of my usual Lyme and Co. goodness, plus taking care of Hubs when he had the same illnesses have taken their toll.
Mentally, I’m drained. We planned, prepped, and executed a week-and-a-half-long trip home in November that had me out of my space, surrounded by people, and engaged in some way almost nonstop. It was wonderful to be home, but incredibly exhausting. We returned from this trip just before my appointment with my LLMD, which meant lots of appointment prep-work done in a very short amount of time.
Emotionally, I’m spent. Trips home are always hard for me. I love my family and Tennessee so much that I experience a kind-of roller coaster of emotions where I’m on top of the world upon arrival, which is quickly followed by dread over our impending departure date, which is followed by immense sadness when we actually leave.
Spiritually, I even feel a little dry. It certainly doesn’t help that we missed church and life group for a month straight due to travel and illness, but I can’t blame everything on that.
Even listing out the ways that I’m tired is making tired, so I’m glad I skipped over the details.
I still don’t really have much nice to say about our current situation, but I will say this: when life feels this overwhelming, when getting out of bed in the morning is this hard (and I know I’m not the only one in that place), that’s when it’s most important to fight. Perhaps fighting for you, much like me this week, means not giving in to the call to do, do, do! Maybe it means saying no to fun things, because your body is demanding more rest. Or perhaps your fight is in the kitchen, forming new, healthy habits, supporting your body nutritionally. Maybe your fight is just making it through another day, refusing to give in to the voices in your own head whispering lies.
You are worth fighting for. Your life is worth fighting for. And whatever your fight looks like today, I’m right there with you, and I’m cheering you on.
We got this!
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