You guys. I’m going to be perfectly honest. I dropped the ball this week. I couldn’t whip up a Foodie Friday post.
I’m frustrated and disappointed in myself, because when I first launched The Chronic Caterpillar and was thinking about scheduling and how frequently I wanted to post, I thought I was being lenient with myself. I committed myself to a Foodie Friday post plus at least one other post every single week. That’s not a lot, so I felt like I was allowing plenty of wiggle room.
I’ve been beating myself up thinking about it all week. I kept putting it off, thinking “maybe I’ll feel good enough to cook, take pictures, and write a post tomorrow,” or “maybe I won’t have so much to do tomorrow,” but it just didn’t happen.
Instead, this week we ate a ton of Chick-Fil-A. True story: I drove out of my way to go to a different Chick-Fil-A because there is literally no way the guy in the drive-thru of our usual one wasn’t judging us for how frequently he sees me or Hubs. Yeah, that’s pretty bad.
So I’m doing the typical Mandy thing and being as hard on myself as I can be, saying mean things about/to myself that I would never say about another person, and just generally being a grump and feeling like a failure.
“A real blogger would have been able to stick to the set schedule.”
“My husband works all day, and then has to come home and help me cook or pick up food. I should be able to do that for him since I don’t do anything else. I’m a failure.”
“I look disgusting. I can’t believe I can’t even take care of myself.”
These are real things that I said to myself this week. How awful is that? I wouldn’t say such hateful words to my worst enemy, and yet I speak that way to myself?
Unfortunately, I know I’m not alone in this habit. So many people, sick or not, have this ongoing negative dialogue with themselves, where they constantly remind themselves that they aren’t good enough, they’re falling short, they aren’t worthy, they’re nothing. Maybe it’s not blogging. Maybe your diet’s not going as well as you’d hoped. Maybe you haven’t been to the gym this week as many times as you would’ve liked. Maybe you’re struggling in a relationship. Or maybe, like me, you haven’t been cooking as well or as much as you would’ve liked.
I’m saying this to me, and I’m saying this to you…It’s okay.
We don’t have to have it all together. We don’t have to have perfect bodies, diets, relationships, or blogs. We don’t have to feel ashamed that we haven’t reached some unattainable level of excellence in everything we do.
What we do have to do is change the way we talk to ourselves. We need to learn to extend grace to our tired minds, our aching bodies, and our weary souls. We need to learn to be kind to ourselves.
Today, I am letting go of my anger at myself for not being able to complete a Foodie Friday post. (Even as I type this, my inner voice is telling me that this is a stupid post, no one will read it, it’s not what you promised readers.) I am letting go of the angry words, the judgmental remarks, and the sense that I’ve let myself down.
Starting today, I am challenging myself to speak to myself with kind, gentle, encouraging words, the same way I would speak with a dear friend. No more of this bullying, hateful, mean talk. I challenge you to do the same.
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