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NOT Foodie Friday

You guys. I’m going to be perfectly honest. I dropped the ball this week. I couldn’t whip up a Foodie Friday post.

 

I’m frustrated and disappointed in myself, because when I first launched The Chronic Caterpillar and was thinking about scheduling and how frequently I wanted to post, I thought I was being lenient with myself. I committed myself to a Foodie Friday post plus at least one other post every single week. That’s not a lot, so I felt like I was allowing plenty of wiggle room.

 

I’ve been beating myself up thinking about it all week. I kept putting it off, thinking “maybe I’ll feel good enough to cook, take pictures, and write a post tomorrow,” or “maybe I won’t have so much to do tomorrow,” but it just didn’t happen.

 

Instead, this week we ate a ton of Chick-Fil-A. True story: I drove out of my way to go to a different Chick-Fil-A because there is literally no way the guy in the drive-thru of our usual one wasn’t judging us for how frequently he sees me or Hubs. Yeah, that’s pretty bad.

 

So I’m doing the typical Mandy thing and being as hard on myself as I can be, saying mean things about/to myself that I would never say about another person, and just generally being a grump and feeling like a failure.

 

“A real blogger would have been able to stick to the set schedule.”

 

“My husband works all day, and then has to come home and help me cook or pick up food. I should be able to do that for him since I don’t do anything else. I’m a failure.”

 

“I look disgusting. I can’t believe I can’t even take care of myself.”

 

These are real things that I said to myself this week. How awful is that? I wouldn’t say such hateful words to my worst enemy, and yet I speak that way to myself?

 

Unfortunately, I know I’m not alone in this habit. So many people, sick or not, have this ongoing negative dialogue with themselves, where they constantly remind themselves that they aren’t good enough, they’re falling short, they aren’t worthy, they’re nothing. Maybe it’s not blogging. Maybe your diet’s not going as well as you’d hoped. Maybe you haven’t been to the gym this week as many times as you would’ve liked. Maybe you’re struggling in a relationship. Or maybe, like me, you haven’t been cooking as well or as much as you would’ve liked.

 

I’m saying this to me, and I’m saying this to you…It’s okay.

 

We don’t have to have it all together. We don’t have to have perfect bodies, diets, relationships, or blogs. We don’t have to feel ashamed that we haven’t reached some unattainable level of excellence in everything we do.

 

What we do have to do is change the way we talk to ourselves. We need to learn to extend grace to our tired minds, our aching bodies, and our weary souls. We need to learn to be kind to ourselves.

 

Today, I am letting go of my anger at myself for not being able to complete a Foodie Friday post. (Even as I type this, my inner voice is telling me that this is a stupid post, no one will read it, it’s not what you promised readers.) I am letting go of the angry words, the judgmental remarks, and the sense that I’ve let myself down.

 

Starting today, I am challenging myself to speak to myself with kind, gentle, encouraging words, the same way I would speak with a dear friend. No more of this bullying, hateful, mean talk. I challenge you to do the same.

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6 thoughts on “NOT Foodie Friday

  1. Omg! Really?! I guess you have the right followers and none that could understand this better than us “spoonies”!
    Don’t beat yourself up! It’s no biggie. You don’t owe anyone anything except to yourself. YOU come first, making sure you get
    enough rest, take your medications, and make sure you get to your doctor’s appointments. You are trying to get yourself healthy and
    that is first priority. 🙂

    1. I am learning this, but it is a slow process. Years of being my own worst critic make it a tough habit to break! But I am getting there, with a lot of help from family, friends, and the spoonie community!

  2. As a fellow blogger, I FEEL you so much. I started out telling myself I´d post once a week and I have had to adjust that to (at least) once a month, and it´s a good month if I post twice or more! It´s easy to be hard on ourselves but I´m trying to reframe that inner dialogue too. Instead of thinking I´m letting myself down and no one will read my posts, now I try to think more along the lines of: Hey. The whole point of this blog is to lift up others and provide yourself with an outlet for self care, community and expression. Regardless of the frequency of posts, or the amount of followers, every time you DO post something new, or one new person reads an old post, you´re following through with that promise to yourself and lifting the world up just that little bit more. Our blogs are here to add light to the world and make us feel better about life, so if they´re causing us to experience stress or any form of darkness, it is definitely worth reframing mentally. 🙂 You´re doing an amazing job, lady, and you are enough just as you are!!

    1. YES! You are so right, and that is such a great way to think about it! I’ll move forward working towards that mindset as opposed to the one I’ve beaten myself up with for sooooo long. Thank you!!

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